Just a *tad* emotional...

I have had an emotional few days.

Nothing particularly horrendous has happened, but I feel a little unstable mood wise at the moment.

So far today I've cried at a Guide Dogs charity advert, the end of Kung Fu Panda 2 (POOR TINY PO  WATCHING HIS MUMMY DIE!) I cried because the cake I baked tasted like arse and finally I cried because the cat tried to sit on my face.



I have been feeling much better in myself, but at the end of last week I put a bit of weight on suddenly and my chest has felt heavy since.

Now, you have to keep an eye on your weight when you're recovering from heart failure and weigh yourself every day. Any sudden weight gain can mean you're starting to retain water again, and since mine seems to go to my lungs...this is not good.

I have a heart failure nurse I can call when these things happen, BUT she has been notoriously hard to get hold of. So I tried to see my GP. He wasn't available. So I had to go see someone else, who while being very nice, knows bugger all about my condition or situation, so was as much help as a neon condom with a giant hole in it. I am not impressed...



Eventually managed to get hold of my nurse, so upped the diuretic for a while to clear the water out again. A few days later I then tried to call back to find out if I go back to the lower dose. That was three days ago. Still not heard anything.

Now I'm a pretty intelligent person so took it upon myself to just stop taking the extra diuretic after my weight had stabilised more. But I am enraged that I never seem to be able to get the support I need . I want to know my nurse will actually call back and is keeping an eye on my condition. I also want to be able to have access to my GP when I need him.

I do not want to see a different doctor any time I have to go in for a quick check up if I feel off. I don't think it's too much to ask for some consistency in my care.

I have no idea when my next appointment with my nurse is and can never seem to get a bloody appointment with my GP.

This is making me a tad fucked off, and I think feeds into the whole 'sobbing like a banshee at the drop of a hat' thing.



I also see my cardiologist on Thursday and I just really want some good news. They still don't know what's caused the Cardiomyopathy yet, I'd like some more answers.

Can someone please hug me? And keep your fingers crossed for some good news.

I'm off to leave yet another voicemail for the nurse and to ring up my doctors surgery so I can try and get a bit more clarification on access to my GP.

I'M SUPPOSED TO STAY CALM!